A Day

I am working until noon today and then I am going to have the day to myself! I am going to be going to the mall to return some shoes and do a little shoping for the children. After that I am going to go to Target to hopefully purchase an Easter dress and some yummy sushi for lunch. I will eat said lunch at home while I let the dog out to do her thing. After that I will be going to the outlet mall to try to find some shoes for myself, some cute Valentine's Boxers for the love of my life, and possibly some easter outfits for the children.

How can I do this you ask? Because I have the best in-laws in the world (mother and father that is...I don't know about the rest of you yet! j/k :) ) They are taking the kids today. Nick is picking them up after work and will eat dinner down there, thus meaning that I have a day to myself and I also do not have to make dinner. Woot, woot!

I am so super excited because quite frankly, I just need a day! I need time to myself. And if I am super productive I will come home from errands and shopping and have time to get cleaning done so I can enjoy the weekend with the children. Hooray!

I hope you all have a fantastic weekend and are relaxed and refreshed come Monday!

Thrilling Thursday!

Well we have made it to Thursday! Isn't God just amazing? Every day should be viewed as a gift.

This morning those little blessings of mine were awake at 4 am. I must admit that when it feels like the middle of the night and everyone is awake, it is very difficult for me to treat my little blessings, like, well, little blessings. But when I left for work they were still awake, and they were happy. Happy little ones is all a Mommy can ask for.

Nicholas is hard at work today too. I was thinking of that last night. A few months ago I would have given anything for him to be back to work, and then when he is I feel lonely and sad that he's not there. What in the world is wrong with me? Why am I always so discontent about everything? Take this weekend for an example. Nicholas has worked all weekend and of course I am busy making plans. He thinks he may have an opportunity to work overtime this weekend which he must do to provide for us (that is our plan at least!). No sooner do I hear this then I am upset and sad that we can't do the things we were talking about. Seriously, what is wrong with me?

So here is what I am doing. I am going to change. I know, shocking, right?

I am going to be joyful and happy in all things! That is something I want my children to pick up and those are traits I want them to carry with them all through life. Plus the Bible tells us to be joyful! How can I talk about how God has so richly blessed us and how AWESOME He is if I am down in the dumps about everything?

1 Thessalonians 5:15-17 tells us:

"Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else.
Be joyful always; pray continually;"

And so this will be my new life. How can I be grumpy or mad or sad if I am making it a point to be happy and joyful?

Will you jump on the joyful train with me? Will you make that promise to always try to find the good in every situation? To be happy when your old self probably wouldn't have been?

Tuesday

In case you have lost track I now have to go to work only 8 more times! How exciting is that? We are slllloooowwwwllllyyyy closing in on the end of the week and before we know it I will be in the last week of working! The children are still getting up every morning between 4:30 and 5:00, crying that I am leaving. That makes for some very sleepy children and a very guilt-ridden Mommy. I cannot wait for that cycle to end. My little darlings need their rest.

Emma is also having a hard time going to sleep. Last night she cried herself to sleep and when I asked her what was wrong the poor dear said "I'm just so sad you have to go to work tomorrow". That is such a hard thing to hear. To know that I am the reason my poor Angel's heart is breaking.

I only work until 10 today which is super exciting for me because I have a to-do list that is about a mile long waiting for me at home. Nothing that HAS to be done, just things I am wanting to concentrate on. What are you working on today?

Here's my list:
Return telephone call from my Grandma
Call the ladies for the Valentine's Day party
Laundry
Clean 3rd floor and get tidy!
workout during naptime!

Have a great day!

Winding Down

Well as the kids are well aware, I only go to work 9 more times! How exciting is that? Things here are going well. We FINALLY got Nick's first paycheck this last Friday and once again were shown how truly great is our God! We should be just fine! Yahoo! I have noticed lately that one of my huge stressors lately has been money. I am always worried if we will have enough, are we contributing enough into savings? Retirement? College funds? Ugh, sometimes the stress can be overwhelming. So I am going to try to let it go.

When I want something I think of if I REALLY need it. Most of the time the answer is no. I was at TJ Maxx and saw Mrs. Meyers in the baby scent. I wanted it...bad. Do I need more cleaning products? That would be a huge n to the o. So I passed. Old Navy had huge clearance on sweaters. Do I need more sweaters? N to the o again! So I passed and it felt invigorating!

I did need new sneakers. So I made sure to not just run out and buy the first pair I wanted. I reseached what I wanted and then I searched and searched for the best price. I actually found the best price for my new New Balance 720's to be on NewBalance.com! Just a tip! I would have guessed the best price would have been on some deep discount website or at a bargain bin type of store, not the company's website but alas I was wrong so I am so, so happy that I tried all venues.

When researching I have been thinking on Proverbs 31. Verse 11 tells us that the noble wife's husband has full confidence in her. I want Nick to have full confidence in me and to know that I make the best decisions. Verse 16 tells us that "she considers a field and buys it"...okay I know I am not investing in real estate or anything but I guess my thinking here is that whatever decisions deal with our money...I need to be prayerfully considering them and making good investments...not just throwing money away.

Another thing I have been doing to help me not to be so stressed about money is to avoid things that make me feel like we don't have any money. What am I talking about? Well for one example, jewelry ads that come in the mail around this time. All those things do is to make me want things I don't need and that we can't afford. They also tend to make me a little mad at old-what's-his-face, who happens to not really be the jewelry giving guy. And you know what? I am okay with that (as of right now!). Another thing that makes me covet is when I web surf...gap, vickie's...they call my name. And before long I have convinced myself that I need ALL of this stuff...and when I can't have it I get upset and look around uncontentedly at what I do have. That's not what God calls us to do.

So as I wind down working I am also hoping to wind down my attachment to consumerism. I think I will always secretly want a new Coach Bag, or new Choos, but I am hoping to squelch those things and be able to focus on what really matters...my precious darlings I get to take care of and my amazing husband who (with God's help of course!) is making that happen!

Summoning my Housewife Energies

Today I am needing to summon all of my housewife energies. I have been so sick these past few days and am finally starting to feel that I am on the mend. Before this Nick was asking me if I needed him to take me to the hospital because I was just not improving at all!

So today I am needing to play some catch up. I am determined to get our house back into order and get us all feeling like we are back up and running. I am making green beans, meatloaf, and mashed potatoes for dinner. We are going to be on a schedule all day, and by golly I am going to get the laundry done and put away.

What are you trying to accomplish today?

No Job

This weekend we received word that Nick didn't get the job he interviewed for. I've got to tell you, I was not a happy camper. Up to this point I've been pretty Polly Sunshine about all of this...God will provide, He has a plan, etc, etc. But when we got this news I, sad to say, turned on God. I think its the first time its ever happened but I was angry with God...really angry. Angry like if he was in front of me I would have kicked Him in the shin. All I could do was melt down and cry...I want my life back, I don't want to have to move, I don't want any of this. But being God, when I asked for forgiveness for the whole shin kicking thing, He forgave me. He understands my hurt and frustration. He knows I am only human.
I think one of the hardest things for me in this is that I am frustrated with not knowing what is going on. I hate that. HATE that.
My devotions this morning were about sometimes things happen so you can comfort others and have compassion for what they are going through. I think I will definitely be able to do that.
So that's me. I've had a whole gamut of emotions this weekend but thankfully am back to resting in God's faithfulness. Whew, its good to be home!

Being Happy

Lately I am sure that all I've been talking about it gloom and doom...blah, blah. But we are still rejoicing in all that God has given us! First of all Nick and I are so grateful for our little ones. We have such a bond with them and we are trying our best to raise them in the best home possible, and to show them the most love from God and ourselves. Next we have our family. I don't know how we would make it through anything without them. We have one another. I couldn't imagine going through something like this when your marriage is on the rocks. On a daily basis we find ourselves holding the other person up, telling them everything is going to be okay. Lastly and most importantly we thank God for, well, God. Who would we cry to if He wasnt' there? If He didn't care? How lonely that must feel for people who don't have God in their lives! So we thank God for all that we have. And we smile and find joy in our everyday life.

First Interview!

PHOTO COURTESY OF THE REEL MCCOY!

Guess what? Nick has a job interview Thursday! Praise God! Right now we are just praying to know God's direction in our lives. We want to make sure if Nick gets this position that it is what God wants for our family. The job would require a move and if we move I will most likely have to stay home. Any income I earned would be cancelled out by having to pay for daycare so it just wouldn't be advantageous for us to move. I would love to stay home but at the same time we are having a hard time finding a position for him that he can just walk into that will cover both of our income's now. When I start to think of all of the details I get panicked. I wonder how we will make ends meet and if we can sell our house and moving expenses, and how hard it will be to be away from family, and on, and on. But I know that I serve a God who is bigger than the details. He will see us through whatever he has in store for our family. Our yoke is light and easy to carry...when its not he's there to help us.

Anyway, please be praying for Nick on Thursday with his interview. May he be on his game and may God show us what He wants us to do. Thanks! Have a great day! :)

Worst Week Ever

I think this is the complete opposite of VH1’s best week ever. We went on vacation last week which was wonderful but now seems like a lifetime ago. As hard as it is to go back to work on Mondays it was made even harder when I got a call from Nick at work…he was on his way home as he had just been laid off. Ouch.

Our family is a well oiled machine but when the money stops flowing it all kind of comes to a screeching halt.
I think we are set for 6 months. By set I mean we can pay bills, send Emma to preschool, and get a little bit of food…nothing else.

A lot of things will happen in those 6 months: Calvin’s birthday, Halloween, thanksgiving, Christmas. I am not all about material possessions but it simply kills me inside to know we might not be able to provide for our children in those special ways.

Those of you who are family I am not worried as I know you’ll make the children still have a wonderful Christmas. Its those moments tied to those times that makes my heart break knowing that we won’t be able to provide for them. Things like apple picking, getting a Christmas tree, going to the Walnut Room, pumpkin picking. All of those family traditions the kids aren’t going to get to do this year.

My rational side says surely this can’t last for 6 months. My husband is the smartest person I know. He will fight for his family. But I am sure that’s what everyone else says in this situation.
My freaked out side of me asks what we will do if this lasts longer than 6 months? I mean, when do you put your house up for sale? When do you say “okay we are sinking fast?”

The future is a black hole to me right now, but then I lift my head and realize I am sitting in the palm of God’s hand. He’s stroking my hair and saying “shhh. It’s okay.” Nick keeps telling me this happened for a reason. I’m reminded of the Casting Crowns song that says “and every tear I’ve cried you hold in your hand, You’ve never left my side, and though my heart is torn I will praise you in this Storm.” I know my Redeemer lives, He will bring us out of this.

Our biggest goal right now is to not let the children’s lives be affected. We’ve never been a “lets go to the toystore and buy a bunch of stuff” kind of family so hopefully it won’t be very hard to keep things the same.

Please know I am not writing this as a “oh feel sorry for us” type thing. Rather I would love to have prayer backers behind us. The power of God is going to move mountains…He’s going to give Nicholas the most amazing job and He’s going to take care of our family! Amen. So please be praying for us. Lift us up any moment you can so we may be cloaked in prayer. Thank you so much in advance.

Garage Sale

photo courtesy of http://brooksidevillage.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/garage-sale.png

Its official, I'm having a Garage Sale. Well I wouldn't call it official, but its pencilled in my planner! We are having it at my Grandma's since I don't have a garage to speak for but she has two. Nick thinks I am nuts for doing this as it will be way too much work but truth me told, I am super excited! I love organizing things so I now have another project to work on. Yeah! I am also excited about getting all of this crap out of my house so we have extra room. Most of the stuff that I am selling is baby stuff so all of that will be out of the attic and I will have room to morph that into our home office. Hooray! I am so excited! If you have any preparing-for-a-garage-sale tips let me know...this is my first one!

I hate Mondays

I hate Mondays, don't you? Here are my reasons why I wish Mondays would never come around:

The children are still not old enough that they can turn on the tv and graze on cheerios until we get up. So as inticing as the weekend seems to be to catch up on sleep, reality always smacks me in the face on Monday that here it is yet another week and I am still exhausted.

Leaving my children. Yes I know I only work part time but having to leave their warm snuggly little bodies so I can go throw hash is physically painful. I feel like I can't breathe. Every morning but Mondays especially I have this fight within myself that is one of those like in the movies where they are taking someone's child away...think Gabrielle on DH when they took the adopted baby...that's what's on my inside.

Summing up all that needs done. Monday mornings to me are that moment where you come to a wall look up and realize its not a wall but a huge giant you have to overcome...oh crap. Between laundry, ballet, meal planning, mommy and me classes, library reading lists, scrubbing toilets, making beds, scrubbing the grit out of the refrigerator gaskets...it all is just a lot of work. Oh and lets not forget all of the thank you cards to write, preschools to find, doctor's visits to set up, tree trimmers to find, bills to pay, friends to keep up with, yada, yada its never ending.

So do you hate Mondays too?

The little Sweetheart

This is Emma. She is three. She has just recently started realizing her emotions. Its the most precious thing you have ever seen. Tuesday she was going to spend the night at her Grandma's but instead decided to come home because she would miss us. That's the first time she's really just come out and said it...she has figured out what missing us is and how it feels. This morning she woke up while I was getting ready to go to work (which was about 4:30 in the a.m. by the way). I tucked her into our bed with Nicholas and she was very snuggly!
When I left I said goodbye and was explaining to her that Daddy and I would be home tomorrow for the holiday when we really should be at work. She said "When you and Daddy are home with me, it just makes my little heart feel so special." Isn't that the sweetest thing you've ever heard? That made me want to call work and tell them I am never coming in again, instead I will be devoting all of my time to making sure my children have little hearts that forever feel special.
But she is getting it...she knows when she misses us, when she's sad, and when she's happy. I love that she is learning all that there is in this life. She is uncovering herself and we get to see her emerge...to see what makes her feel one way and something else makes her feel completely polar opposite. I love that, I love being here for that.

Bad Mommy

The kids are awake. Naptime ends at 4:00 in our home. Its 2:39 according to the clock on the computer. They are in bed. I am on strike against getting them. Sometimes Mommy needs a break. The problem with this is the guilt has started to set in and so with each passing moment I feel a little worse about leaving them up there to make what can only be identified as jungle noises to one another through the hall. Why am I still not getting them you ask? First let me ask you if you've ever dealt with a child who has not napped? Hmmm? So you know why I am resisting with all of the strength I have to not go and get two unnapped children out of their dens. Things will be thrown, kids and Mommy's will cry, rears will be swatted and by the time Nick comes home the draperies will be torn from the windows, I'll have gum in my hair and we probably won't know where Calvin is. Oh and inevitably a shoe will have been flushed down the toilet...again. So no I am not getting you, no matter how many times you call "mama" or say " Yoohoo, I'm done with the nap!" You can sit...reflect, pray, practice your Yoga moves; the chaos is going to have to wait just a couple more moments.

Thank's Aunt Jan!

Saturday I got a package and in it was this book from my Aunt Jan! I am so blessed to have her as my Aunt and Friend! It was so encouraging to get a gift out of the blue and so much fun. This is now my favorite book...it has everything you could ever want! It made me remember the kinds of aprons my Aunt Rella wore or seeing pictures of my Great Grandma, what a treasure...just like my Aunt Jan! Thanks so much, I love it and I love you!